you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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