that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
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