I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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