Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
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