I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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