He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
