just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
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