pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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