do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
