It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
