I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
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