Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
What drink are we having for lunch?
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Randomize
