I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Holy shit dude........stairs
Randomize
