New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
