yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
