Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
