Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Randomize
