Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
