hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
