I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
