Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
