Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Randomize
