Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Randomize
