Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Randomize
