is your mom at the bar?
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Randomize
