He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Randomize
