So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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