But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
