I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
