I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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