if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
