you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Randomize