like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Randomize
