I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
sex in a hospital.. check
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Randomize
