my room smells like sperm. sweet.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
My bed smells like the plague
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