I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Randomize
