so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
