did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
