So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
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