If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Is it penis luge time yet?
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
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