Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
