I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Randomize
