Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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