I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Randomize
