He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Randomize
