So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
handjob tips. give me some.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
