She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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