if only i could text you this smell
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
