The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.