i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
