Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
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