You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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