i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
