It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Randomize
