im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
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