Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
