I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
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Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
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I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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