Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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