Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
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