you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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