New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
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