How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
