i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Randomize
