I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
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