I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
