it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
