After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
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