Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
there's paper in my vomit.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
