Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
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My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
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I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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